For a chap with one eye The Skipper has remarkable foresight! We all so enjoyed his crystal balls here at County Hall (Skipper's "sneak preview," Packet, January 3) so, imitation being the sincerest form of flattery, here are a few predictions of our own January - Trading Standards officers pounce on Packet HQ after readers accuse it of entrapment by dressing itself up as a newspaper.
February - County Hall celebrates the first anniversary of the Packet's mischievous inference that county councillors were falsifying their mileage claims. In reality, of course, like all other honest Cornishmen and Cornishwomen with deadlines to meet, they were merely rat-running and changing routes occasionally to beat the traffic jams. Sadly the Packet's editor continues to fastidiously take the most direct but slowest route to work, which explains why he isn't there to stop his journalists making up the news.
March - Skipper again shows his moderate and tolerant views on race and equality issues. Not for him the cartoon stereotype foreigner, always the champion of Cornwall's international guests. Clearly this is one Skipper who has sailed into many a foreign port and been welcomed as a global brother.
April -The Tate St Ives reveals that it wasn't actually the paintings which were hanging upside down, it was that plans for the gallery's long awaited extension were upside down - with Jamie Fobert's exciting new wing and education centre furthest from the entrance.
May - The good-natured promotion of the Cornish language on James Churchfield's radio show helps boost the resurgence of Europe's oldest language, and Cornwall's most tangible link with its heritage. Thanks to the language co-ordination team promoting Kernewek it becomes a "cool" subject to study, the EC endorses Cornwall's approach, and Dolly Pentreath offers spiritual encouragement from beyond the grave!
June - Thanks to EU regulations and funding Cornwall enjoys market protection for its clotted cream, butter, potatoes, cheese and pasties. Only ice cream left to safeguard now.
July - The county council continues its campaign to convince government that Cornwall needs fewer councils, fewer councillors, and a stronger voice on the national and international stages. On the other hand it has consistently said that Cornwall needs as many media as possible, as many local newspapers, and editors who will broker intelligent and informed debate, and it has championed free speech, accountability and the local print sector.
August - Newsquest bids to buy the county council's new community newspaper, which has proved a hit with readers by sporting headlines like "Cornwall's local newspapers are the best in the world." In the meantime, job-seekers get to see job ads without having to pay for a newspaper, and the county council is able to attract even better officers because of this boost to recruitment.
September - The Hall for Cornwall's new pantomime, "Peter Packet," stars the Skipper as dastardly Captain Hook and Steve Ivall as the loveable sprite in tights, and packs in the punters. The Hall's fortunes begin to soar as Peter takes to the air - oh yes they do! Ivall and Skip are so popular they are booked as next year's ugly sisters.
October - The team behind Objective One and its successor, Convergence Funding, celebrate creating a world class university, the most successful roll-out of broadband in the country, modern ferries and a strong regional airport, and investing £355 million in job creation and boosting Cornwall's growing economy. And they'll still welcome visionaries and entrepreneurs who want to make moon boots or put rain forests in captivity!
November - Cornwall limbers up for a local government shake-up after 2009. The efficiency of this leaner democracy will far outweigh its set-up costs and council tax payers will reap the benefits.
December - Cornwall celebrates Christmas while making plans to celebrate Ramadan in October, Diwali in November, and the Chinese Year of the Pig in February 2008. Cornwall reminds itself, and the Skipper, that proper Cornishmen are proud of their motto "One and All."
That's our look into the future, and a little less cynical than The Skipper's, we think. I sincerely hope that the county council and the Packet can develop a working relationship based on democratic accountability rather than rant and counter-rant. But perhaps the eyepatch inhibits Skipper's ability to be visionary? Then again, there are none so blind as those who will not see.
Happy 2007.
Eric Brooke, executive member for community services, Cornwall county council
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