How do you think the police would react if you made a complaint against a "naughty nuns" entry in your local carnival on the grounds that it was "offensive?"

You are a devout Christian and you tell your local police station that you were outraged to see members of a local young farmers' club dressed as nuns and lifting their habits to reveal sexy stockings.

What's more, as they made their way through the streets at the head of the carnival procession, some of them held their hands together as though in prayer and one even gestured to the crowd, making the sign of the cross.

My guess - and my hope - is that the desk sergeant would write you off as a nutter and give you some general advice about wasting police time.

That's not, however, what happened when a group of students complained to the police about an entry in the carnival at St Columb Major, near Newquay.

Cornwall's boys in blue carried out a full investigation and, even though they concluded that no law had been broken, they decided to have a word with those who prompted the complaint to explain why their carnival entry might have caused offence.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to say. The St Columb carnival entry was called "The Page Three Beauties from the Romalama Ding Dong Times." They were dressed in Muslim-style burkas and carried a banner which read: "Join the Kernow Mosk - Drekly."

The burka-clad "ladies" had names such as "Miss Hairyarmpitsrbad," "Miss Poppadomistan" and "Miss Reallyamanistan" and they carried fake compasses to make sure they were facing east at their prayer-stops.

The Page Three Beauties were so good that they were picked as potential winners by the judges, who included the mayor. But their nomination for a prize was quickly dropped after the complaint from the students.

What is this country coming to when busy policemen have to investigate ridiculous complaints about someone having a bit of harmless fun at a carnival? Anyone who has been the victim of theft will know that the most you get from the police is a crime reference number to put on the insurance claim form. But a complaint that someone might have offended a Muslim appears to warrant a full investigation.

Isn't it about time that everyone - police and Muslims included - lightened up a little and gained a sense of humour?

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It will shortly be possible to board a train in London and arrive in Brussels in less than two hours. Paris will be just over two hours away. And a train from London to Cologne in Germany will take only a little more than four and a half hours.

However, getting by train from London to West Cornwall is a different thing altogether. If you're lucky, you might do it in five hours. The chances are, however, that it will take longer. There are only a couple of "fast" trains a day and they are, in any case, forever being delayed due to maintenance work on the track or breakdowns.

It's not much quicker getting from Cornwall to central London by air. By the time you have travelled to Newquay airport, checked in, gone through security, collected your luggage from the carousel at Stansted and then caught the train to Liverpool Street you could have driven there.

The one thing that Cornwall desperately needs if it is to prosper is better transport links to the capital. It should have been the main priority of those controlling the millions of pounds of British taxpayers' money so kindly handed back to us by the Brussels bureaucrats in the guise of Objective One grants.

I fear, however, that the journey to London will still be taking five hours when Richard Branson is selling day return tickets to the Moon.